A lost cause?

Dear David,

I have a problem. I'm 47 years old and still living fortnight to fortnight, you said in one of your earlier emails a couple of points that I relate to: Impulse buying, could be dead tomorrow or something to that effect, got to have it now, I have all these problems and more. Short of giving my pay to someone else so I can't touch it I don't know what to do.

I can't seem to stick to a budget, my kids ask for something and if I haven't got the cash I draw on my credit card. I am hopeless.

So I would dearly love some information on whether or not you can help me?

I'm even thinking of not sending you this email because I am a lost cause but I will because I have had enough and am prepared to try anything to get out of this financial downward spiral.
Mike,

Mike,

Thanks for your e-mail. It sounds like the problem really isn't a money problem. I suspect it is an emotional/security problem.

Why can't you say NO to your kids? Why can't you say no to yourself?

You need to address these two questions and you won't have any more trouble!

Do you worry that your kids won't like you if you say NO to them? It is a strange thing, but what I have seen is usually that kids who get everything they ask for usually don't appreciate much, including the person who gives it to them. This sets up a vicious circle. You try harder and give more but then the appreciation gets even less. To try to win them back you give more and this just makes it worse.

I hope this is not your situation but I thought I would throw it in just as food for thought.

I could arrange for a budget coach to be on your case every week asking you to report in and confess to the balance of your bank account to see if you are sticking to the plan.

I'm interested to hear back from you.

Regards
David Wright

David,

THANKYOU VERY MUCH for your food for thought.

The kids aren't the problem, you were right it is me. It is a guilt thing with me and I have to get over it. I ask my kids what they want for Birthday/Christmas and they say whatever you want to give me dad, I'll be happy with what ever I get. My parents divorced when I was 7 and we had nothing growing up and I promised myself my kids would not want for anything.

My daughter is struggling financially and I'm trying to get my son to start saving but it is not working. I don't want them to be 47 and living fortnight to fortnight like their father.

How much is a Budget Coach going to cost me, I'm trying to save money not spend it. I don't know, I might have to spend money to save it?

Thankyou for getting back to me.

Mike,



Mike,
You said in your reply: "My parents divorced when I was 7 and we had nothing growing up and I promised myself my kids would not want for anything".

Your reasoning is floored I am sorry to say. Not 'wanting for anything' is the worst possible thing you could do to your kids! Nobody can every have everything they want so why try to teach them that that is not the case? It will set them up for a life of debt and misery.

Growing up I knew that money did not grow on trees and I accepted that I could not have stuff that I wanted. I still had a great childhood, playing at the local creek skipping stones on the water, getting wet and muddy, digging holes in the creek bank to make forts to hide in, running all over the place and riding my pushbike through the fields. I am quite happy to accept that happiness does not come from having everything I want so I only want for what I can have! The best things in life are either free or very inexpensive! (We used to play Frisbee with the lid off the ice cream container for hours!)

Maybe you should take a deep breath and re-think your approach and your motivation.

Your kids will love you for who you are, not what you give them. I have seen kids who got everything they asked for actually hated their parents because ‘stuff’ was substituted for time and love!

I can get my budgeting coach to contact you if you would like to discuss your options for coaching. If you would like that, please e-mail me if you would like to have him contact you.

Regards
David Wright

Mike needs to get a budget plan in place and then follow it. If he can't do that on his own, then he needs someone to be accountable to until he gets into some better habits.

He should be using my Simply Budgets software to prepare his budget plan. If he needs someone to be accountable to, that person needs to see his budget plan and then check with him regularly to see that he is following it.

If Mike decides to ask for help, one of the Simply Budgets coaches will help him prepare his budget plan and then that person will e-mail him weekly to check that he is not falling behind his targets and that he is following the plan. If the plan has problems (e.g. if it turns out to be impossible to stick to), then the coach will work with Mike 'fine-tune' the plan so it will work moving forward into the future.